𝗠𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

Money is one of the most common sources of tension in relationships which can eventually lead to divorce. While financial discussions can be difficult, they become even more problematic when one partner engages in money shaming i.e. criticizing, belittling, or making the other person feel inadequate about their financial choices, income, or spending habits.

So let us first define, What Is Money Shaming?

Money shaming occurs when one partner uses financial differences to judge, humiliate, or control the other. It can take many forms, including:

Criticizing Spending Habits – Making comments like, “You always waste money on unnecessary things” or “You’re so irresponsible with your spending.”
Mocking Career Choices – Belittling a partner’s job, salary, or career path, such as saying, “Why don’t you get a real job that actually pays?”
Comparing Financial Success – Bringing up how much more one partner earns or how other couples manage money better.
Controlling Finances – Restricting a partner’s access to money or making financial decisions without their input.

Money shaming can lead to resentment, low self-esteem, and even financial secrecy in relationships, which can further damage trust and communication.

Why Does Money Shaming Happen?

Money is deeply tied to emotions, identity, and security. There can be many reasons, however, some common reasons for money shaming include:

Different Upbringings – If one partner grew up in a financially stable home and the other didn’t, they may have different attitudes about spending and saving.
Power Imbalance – If one partner earns significantly more, they may (consciously or unconsciously) use money to assert control.
Insecurity and Fear – A partner may shame the other due to their own fears about financial stability or feeling the pressure of providing.
Lack of Communication – Many couples don’t have open discussions about money, leading to misunderstandings and frustrations.

Here are a few nuggets to help resolve Money Shaming in a Relationship:

1. Open and Judgment-Free Communication

Instead of shaming, create a safe space for honest and respectful conversations about finances. Discuss financial goals, challenges, and expectations without blame or criticism.

2. Understand Each Other’s Money Mindset

Both partners should explore their beliefs and experiences with money. Understanding why each person handles money the way they do can build empathy and reduce conflict.

3. Set Shared Financial Goals

Work together to create a budget or plan that aligns with both partners’ values. When both people have a say, there’s less room for resentment or control.

4. Avoid Comparisons

Every couple’s financial journey is different. Instead of comparing incomes or spending habits, focus on building a partnership that works for both of you.

5. Respect Each Other’s Financial Independence

Even in committed relationships, it’s essential for each partner to have some financial independence. Having separate spending money can reduce tension and prevent feelings of control.

6. Seek Professional Help If Needed

If money issues are causing ongoing conflict, working with a financial advisor or couples’ therapist can help navigate these challenges in a healthy way.

It is important to recognize that money shaming can be incredibly damaging to a relationship, but it doesn’t have to define it.

By fostering understanding, respect, open and honest communication, couples can create a healthy financial dynamic that strengthens their bond rather than breaking it.

At the end of the day, financial harmony is not about who makes more or spends less, it is about working as a team to build a life together.

If you are struggling with this issue in your relationship, I invite you to schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me. I would be more than happy to support you or connect you with the right resources.