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Many times, we move through life wearing titles, roles, and responsibilities that shape how others see us, but not necessarily who we truly are. We are mothers, fathers, employees, leaders, friends, and partners. We fulfill these roles diligently, yet when asked, “Who are you?” many of us stumble.

Why?
Because we have never taken the time to go deep within and truly discover ourselves.

As a Life Coach, I have met many individuals who can describe what they do but struggle to define who they are. This isn’t surprising—society conditions us to perform, to achieve, to serve, and to adapt. Rarely are we taught how to pause and explore the core of our being.

More Than a Label how would you Defining Yourself?

If I were to define myself, I would not start with my job, my family, or my achievements. I would begin with my essence, who I am when everything else is stripped away.

I am a woman of purpose, led by compassion, grounded in faith, and committed to helping others grow. I am resilient, yet vulnerable; strong, yet soft enough to feel deeply. I am constantly evolving, because self-discovery is not a destination, but a lifelong journey.

Your definition of self should come from a place of awareness, not expectation. It is not about who the world wants you to be, but who you choose to become when you are most authentic and free.

Why We Struggle to Define Ourselves

1. We fear what we might find.
   Sometimes, looking within reveals pain, unmet needs, or forgotten dreams. But that is where healing begins.
2. We compare ourselves to others.
   When your reflection is based on someone else’s mirror, your self-definition becomes distorted.
3. We confuse “doing” with “being.”
   Your roles are extensions of you, not your entire identity. You are not what you do, you are who you are while doing it.

Five Nuggets to Help You Define Yourself

1. Spend time in stillness.
   Silence has a way of revealing truth. Whether through meditation, prayer, or journaling, allow your inner voice to speak.
2. Ask yourself reflective questions.
   1. What values do I hold sacred? What brings me peace, even when no one is watching?
   2. What parts of myself have I been hiding or neglecting?
3. Embrace your story.
   Every experience, good or bad, has shaped you. Accept your journey without shame. Your past is a teacher, not a prison.                 (Read this again)
4. Seek feedback from people who truly know you.
   Sometimes others see strengths in us we have overlooked. Listen with openness but define yourself with discernment.
5. Give yourself permission to evolve.
   Who you were five years ago is not who you are today, and that is okay. Growth means redefining yourself as you learn, heal, and expand.

Therefore, self-definition is not about perfection, it is about truth. When you truly know who you are, you stop seeking validation from others and begin living from a place of authenticity and peace.

So today my dear friends, pause and ask yourself:
“Who am I?”
Not as a role you play, but as a soul you are.

Because when you discover that answer, you step into the most powerful version of yourself, the one that was always there, waiting to be found!

If you are struggling in this area of your life, why not reach out to me at: wo.mentowo.menservices@gmail.com to schedule a 30-minute consultation and/or an appointment; I would be more than happy to support you through this journey.

Copyright: Michelle-Nichola Cockburn